


a sadness runs through him, through him

by BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo Fic [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Confrontations, Developing Friendships, Hatake Kakashi Needs a Hug, M/M, POV Hatake Kakashi, Presumed Dead, References to Depression, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-30 03:42:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20807954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse/pseuds/BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse
Summary: Soulmates are supposed to die when their other half does. Kakashi knows Obito was his, had seen the crimson mark painted on his skin. He had felt Obito's pain during his final moments. Kakashi should be dead.So why isn't he?





	a sadness runs through him, through him

**Author's Note:**

> #3 fic for Bad Things Happen Bingo card. prompt was Confrontation

* * *

**a sadness runs through him, through him**

* * *

Kakashi's soulmate used to constantly bombard him with emotions. First it was happiness, the joy of a child that contrasted heavily with Kakashi's miserable mood. Then hesitance and sadness, an acceptance of change that they felt resigned to. Annoyance and longing followed soon after, a sweet ache directed at an unseen person. Finally the bond settled some and the only emotion that came Kakashi's way was confusion. It stayed like this for a year or two, a constant thrum of the frustration of not understanding something, before Kakashi is bombarded with pain.

So much pain.

He doesn't realize that he had blocked his bond during the beginning of the mission. He doesn't figure out he's lost his soulmate until Rin has already transplanted Obito's eye into his empty socket and they are making their escape from Obito's soon to be tomb. He thinks back to the moment Obito pushed him, sacrificing himself to save Kakashi's life. He thinks about the glimpse of red lightning he saw adorning Obito's arm and he fights back a sob.

His arm crackles with fear, resignation, and physical pain like nothing he's ever felt. He tears up in both his eyes, Obito's eye stinging far worse as he gasps out sharp breaths. Rin can only give him concerned looks, both of them not daring to stop as they make their escape.

After that, he has a constant ache in his left arm, his mark burning for days at a time. He struggles with ignoring the pain, trying to get it away from the forefront of his mind. Eventually the pain mostly goes away and it turns into a throb that he can ignore.

It's an odd thing, the ache in his soulmark. The red hot Lichtenberg figure that races its way up Kakashi's right arm is a constant source of a numbing ache, even if it gets easier to deal with as time goes on. Kakashi rubs his fingertips across the mark, occasionally feeling goosebumps erupt as he stares at the bright figure.

Soulmates are supposed to die when their other half does. Kakashi knows Obito was his, had seen the crimson mark painted on his skin. He had felt Obito's pain during his final moments. Kakashi should be dead.

So why isn't he?

He is forced to kill Rin and his arm burns like he's stuck it into a red hot flame and held it there for hours on end. He doesn't understand why it burns as he falls apart. He just knows that as he cradles Rin to his chest, he breaks in an unfixable way. Kakashi lives on and he mourns, once more being left behind.

He doesn't feel anything in his soulmark after that. No pain, no numb ache. It just-sits on his arm like a normal tattoo would.

Kushina and Minato die.

Kakashi spirals.

He wakes up one day, a sigh on his lips, when he feels a chill emanating from his mark. It makes him freeze in surprise, not expecting the growing cold wave traveling from his palm all the way to his shoulder. His mark had always run hot, even after Obito died, so this rushing frost is more than just a little concerning. He pokes at it gently, both physically and mentally. The imagined string that Kakashi envisions as his soulbond is frozen solid, the temperature cold enough to drive Kakashi away from even trying to get a reaction from it.

Swallowing down a panicked curse, Kakashi drags himself out of his bed and tries to go about his day like nothing is wrong. Later that night, the Uchiha clan is massacred by Uchiha Itachi, the only survivor being Itachi's own little brother.

Kakashi visits the boy in the hospital, even though he's in a medically induced coma. Kakashi doesn't know the boy, has only heard things about him from the very teen who murdered his family. He shouldn't be here, standing over his unconscious body like he has any right to stand at his bedside. He traces his mark as he stares gravely down at Sasuke's small body, the soulmark once more unfeeling and neutral.

Kakashi is scared to think about the implications that he's been ignoring for over a decade, so he turns away from Sasuke's bed and he throws himself back into the gray life he had resigned himself to.

When he is told he's going to be given a genin team, he's not particularly enthused about it. He's being forced into a regular Jonin status and taken out of ANBU. More important than being forced to take on students, he finds he's still not in the mood to face his soulmark issues.

He summarily decides to ignore it, much like he does every emotionally charged topic he knows of, and instead turns his focus to the newest squad of idiots the Sandaime will have inevitably stuck him with. He figures he'll be given a squad that he can reasonably fail. Instead, the Sandaime gives him his sensei's son and the last Uchiha.

Naruto is blond and loud and it almost physically pains Kakashi to meet his gaze. He looks so much like sensei and sounds so much like Kushina that it's uncanny that no one has ever guessed his origins. He also reminds Kakashi of a certain dead Uchiha; Kakashi tugs his long sleeves down even further at the thought.

Sasuke, the last loyal Uchiha, is cold and constantly brooding. He ignores their female teammate, Sakura, to the best of his abilities. Not really one for teamwork, Kakashi thinks as he observes the preteen. He has to force himself to look at Sasuke and not see other people overlapping his image. He shakes away Itachi's cold gaze, Obito's bloody smile, and even Sasuke's younger face, peaceful in his forced sleep.

Kakashi watches them, ready for the disaster that will be the bell test, and then he is proven wrong in a surprising way.

He's following tradition as he administers the bell test, Icha Icha in hand, when his calculating gaze lands on Sasuke's figure as he hides in a bush. While all data points to him coming after Kakashi alone, he seems to be quietly discussing a plan with Naruto of all people. Sakura, who had instantly sought out Sasuke at the beginning of the test, is currently caught in a genjutsu farther into the forest. These two seem closer than the reports said they were, Naruto nodding seriously to something Sasuke has said.

In the end, even if Naruto and Sasuke come at him with a combined attack, they left their third teammate alone and vulnerable. A team consists of more than just them.

"You forgot about Sakura," Kakashi informs them, flipping to the next page in his book as Sakura broods from her spot tied to the post. Sasuke and Naruto stand on either side of her, both of them giving Kakashi dark looks.

"She never listens to me," Naruto huffs, crossing his arms as he pokes his lower lip out to pout. "She always tells me to shut up."

"She doesn't take no for an answer," Sasuek grunts,his hands shoved firmly into his pockets. "I'm not her soulmate and the sooner she gets over it, the sooner I'll be willing to try and work with her."

Kakashi blinks at that, thinks back to the synchronization between Naruto and Sasuke, and he can physically feel the light bulb go off in his head.

"Ah," he hums, slipping his book into his pocket. "Sasuke, is Naruto your soulmate?" Technically speaking, asking after another person's soulmate is considered rude. Kakashi, however, doesn't much care for social niceties anyway. Besides, the sooner Sakura understands she's looking for her soulmate in the wrong place, the faster this disaster of a team will start to function properly.

Sasuke scowls at him, glaring, but he does give a jerking nod. Unprompted, he drags the high collar of his shirt down, revealing the very top of his sternum. Situated in the very middle is a simple black and white mark, the joining of a sun and moon stark against his paler skin. Naruto, once Sasuke has let his shirt fall back into place, unzips his jacket just enough to show off his identical mark, glaring up at Sakura as the girl stares wide-eyed at the two.

"Oh," is the dejected whisper Sakura gives as an answer, her entire body slouching forward. Her lip wobbles, a sign that tears are shortly going to fall, so Kakashi sighs loudly, quickly depositing the two prepared lunches into the mated pair's hands.

"You two eat. Do _not_ share any with Sakura," Kakashi instructs, already gathering chakra to shunshin into the nearby forest. "I'll give you three one more chance. I'll be back in an hour."

Kakashi watches from the trees as the two soulmates share a look, communicating with each other without bothering to use words. Naruto is the first one to offer some of his food to the despondent girl, his bright grin ceasing the tears that had threatened to overflow. Sasuke sighs, rolling his eyes, but he too offers his provided lunch.

Kakashi passes them.

As he watches the three of them leave the training grounds together, Sakura hesitantly asking them how they found out they were soulmates, Kakashi finds himself rubbing his soulmark through his sleeve. He has to fight the urge to bite his lip, the instinct to worry it in between his teeth is strong. Instead, he straightens his back and makes his way to the memorial stone.

He searches it until he finds the name he's looking for, Uchiha Obito cut into the stone in sharp characters. He stares, heart in his throat, and he wonders if maybe that name shouldn't be there after all.

**Author's Note:**

> woof. okay so this was originally a chapter written for another story! i never found it though so it just languished on my laptop. i was recently going through some files and found this. it was reasonably able to be read as a oneshot, and it inspired me to edit it and turn it into this! kakashi saw obito get crushed, so for him it makes no sense that hes still alive while obito isnt. he doesnt look to closely at it, which means that he never really considers that obito might still be alive. he is eventually forced to face the fact that something is going on and that obito might not be as dead as kakashi previously thought.
> 
> title taken from A Sadness Runs Through Him by The Hoosiers


End file.
